Open Up Your Heart To Me: Show Me All You Are
by sweet-exile
Summary: Angelus' continuing revenge on Buffy has tragic consequences for Willow. Please R&R this was my 1st fic (be gentle)
1. The Pretty Things Are Going To Hell

Open Up Your Heart to Me:  
Show Me All You Are and I Would Be Your Slave  
  
Rating: PG angst.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and for their sake it's just as well  
  
Part I: The Pretty Things Are Going To Hell  
  
Forever she'd loved him, no matter what happened, the other people in their lives. It always came back to him, the boy she'd known since kindergarten and her best friend.  
  
Willow sighed, the events of the night had broken her and she had nothing left. The answering phone blinked at her, she knew her friends had left messages but she wasn't ready for them yet. She was sure she never wanted to hear them: the platitudes and uneasy words spoken in sympathy but not understanding. All the times they'd fought the darkness that infected Sunnydale, the danger had always been real but never before had it been brought home so abruptly and with such horror.  
  
This time there was no apocalypse, no prophesy from Giles' books, or rising of a destructive demon but like all the other times Giles and Buffy were sure it would all work out. Except this time it wouldn't, the hurt was too deep for things to things to turn out for the best.  
  
It had happened on the way from the Bronze, Angelus and Drusilla had ambushed them. Drusilla distracting Buffy while Angel and the other vamps had taken Xander. Giles had been positive it was a ploy to trap Buffy and they just planned to kill him. Buffy hadn't found where they were keeping Xander and there was no word from the so-called kidnappers. Willow had found it difficult to keep going. The endless days not knowing where he was and if the vamps had killed him. Although Buffy had said that they wouldn't until they got what they wanted but Willow wasn't so convinced. Angel had killed Jenny just for the hell of it, he hadn't stopped there and Willow knew that he'd have more planned before the end.  
  
It was five days after and Willow had been in the library, while Buffy and Giles were out looking for Xander. She'd wanted to go but Buffy persuaded her to stay behind. She'd been reading the same sentence for the past ten minutes, when she realised she wasn't alone. Turning she came face to face with Xander. Willow had been too shocked to speak but ran to hug him. Eventually she did saying "but how? How can this be?" Xander had told her about his miraculous escape and how much he'd missed her. Willow had thought he looked pale and said so but Xander assured her he was fine and just tired and hungry.  
  
Willow had wanted to stay and tell Buffy but Xander said that all wanted to do was go home and rest. They could phone her in the morning, it was late and all he wanted to do now was sleep. Willow had insisted the best thing was for her to take him to her house where he could rest in peace away from his parent's arguing. Xander hadn't protested and leaning on her, as they walked slowly to Willow's, had said that thinking of her had been the only thing that had kept him going through his ordeal. She'd smiled inwardly and had felt her heart skip.  
  
Sneaking him past her parents had been easy and soon he'd been lying on Willow's bed asleep, Willow had watched him for a long time before dozing off in her chair.  
  
She woke up with a start, bleary eyed she'd turned towards the bed to check Xander and found him sitting up watching her. He'd said he was feeling much better and wanted to thank her for being so kind. Willow had laughed at this telling him they were best friends and she would have done nothing less. Xander had keeled in front of her with his hands on the chair and looked up at her. It was then Willow had noticed something different about him, not just how pale he was but something else not there before. She'd started "Xand...." But at that point he'd chosen to reach up and kiss her and her heart had soared. He was kissing her and there was nothing else the cool touch of his lips but her creeping doubts that made her push him away. She'd become aware suddenly that she was trapped in this chair.  
  
"There's no hiding from you is there Will?" He'd smiled softly at her not at all hurt to have been pushed away.  
  
"What happened to you?" Willow had asked knowing the answer but not wanting to find out the truth.  
  
"Oh Will it's amazing the gift I've been given." Xander had stared directly at her all the while he talked it had made her feel nervous. He had never looked so intensely at her before, it had been as if he was seeing her for the first time. "Willow it will only hurt a little and then you'll wake up and we can be together I know you want that. I love you Willow."  
  
Willow had recoiled back in horror "No you're not my Xander you're a demon, a thing with his face. You don't love me."  
  
He'd shaken his head saying "no I feel more like me than I ever have I'm not hiding anymore this is it me and I do love you Will. I need you to want this, don't you want this?"  
  
He'd looked so pleadingly at her and she was so confused. She didn't want to die but he'd said that he loved her. It was too hard a decision and she'd thought her heart would brake.  
  
Willow had looked into those brown eyes and had found her answer, she did want him and if this was what it took to be with him then she would do it. She'd opened her mouth to speak but he'd kissed her again and she'd fallen into his arms.  
  
Pulling back Xander told her he had to go it was nearly sunrise and not the best time to caught out and about. Unless she wanted him to be a crispy critter and that she'd see him again after the sun went back down. Then he'd said she could give him her answer and with that he'd jumped out the open window. 


	2. If I’ve Been Dreaming My Life

Part II: If I've Been Dreaming My Life  
  
Willow had done her best to avoid her friends that day in school but Oz had sneaked up on her without giving her time to duck out of the way. Asking questions how she was and any news on Xander and she'd been sure that she give herself away. He was so kind and Willow had felt small pangs of guilt about what she was about to do but remembering Xander's kisses and the fact he'd said he loved her. Willow had just shaken her head and told him there was no news yet.  
  
That night she'd waited for Xander but he hadn't come by the time Buffy had called and told her she needed to meet them at the library and with a heavy heart she'd made her way to there; the meeting place of the Scooby gang and had been shocked to find Buffy, Giles, Oz and Cordellia all waiting for her.  
  
"What's this? Why are you all staring at me?"  
  
Giles had coughed slightly as he always does before one of his big speeches but Buffy had butted in; "Xander's a vampire. I had a run in with Angel he took great pleasure in telling me all about it. We think you're in danger Will."  
  
Before she could stop herself she'd blurted, "no it's okay, I'm not in any danger."  
  
Giles' eyes had narrowed, "how do you know that, how long have you known about Xander? What have you been keeping from us?"  
  
The accusing eyes had been too much for Willow to bare and she'd broken down in tears. She'd told them that Xander had come to her last night. "But he's still Xander, he won't hurt me."  
  
With that she'd run out of the library, out the school and into the night. She'd heard Buffy shouting at her back, "Willow where you going? It's not safe alone." Willow didn't care all she had thought about while running home was Xander and how he wasn't here.  
  
There she was sitting on her bed, torn in two between her friends and Xander. The blinking lights on the answer phone were not a comfort. She knew the contents of the messages she didn't need to listen to them. She knew they would be full of lies about Xander how he could no longer be trusted and she wasn't safe with him but she knew different he was hers. The morning came and no news from Xander, her heart ached for him. She was glad it was Saturday and she could avoid school and the judgement of her friends. She knew she'd hurt them but she couldn't think about Buffy and the others. Buffy was the slayer and Willow never wanted Buffy and Xander to meet again.  
  
Willow stayed in her room all day ignoring the world. Buffy and Oz had come to the door but she'd told her mother that she didn't want to speak to anyone and her mother had sent them away.  
  
That night Willow snuck out in search of Xander. Outside the Bronze she found him as if it was any normal night and he was waiting for her.  
  
"Willow" he caught sight of her. "I'm so sorry, Angel should never had told Buffy. He couldn't wait to gloat though; self-control is not is strong suit. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone I watched everything. I felt you needed more time to process everything. I ached when I saw you crying you looked so sad. It took everything I had from not coming in and taking you away with me."  
  
Willow fought against the tears saying "I wish you had it's so horrible without you and no one understands they think you're going to hurt me."  
  
"God Will no. Don't worry about Buffy she won't ever part us again."  
  
Xander turned suddenly and Willow peered round to see Giles standing there aiming a cross bow right at Xander. Willow protectively moved in between Giles and Xander.  
  
"Willow step away" Giles' voice was hard more like the Ripper of old rather than the father figure she knew and loved.  
  
"G-man don't worry I'm not going to hurt her, not unless she wants me to." Xander stood out in front of Willow his arm pushing her back and grinning at Giles.  
  
Giles didn't flinch but raised the crossbow to aim at Xander's heart.  
  
Xander faced Giles staring right back at the man; "put the cross bow down Rupert someone might get hurt. Just let her go of her own free will I can take her decision why can't you?"  
  
Xander spoke with an edge, his voice losing it's well used wit and flippant nature. "You're afraid she'll choose to come with me and you'll have lost your little protégé is that it? Losing Jenny has made you bitter and you don't want anyone else to be happy. What have you got against Willow's little walk on the wild side? You were quite happy letting Buffy bump noses with the undead and you haven't exactly led the life of the virtuous. Just take your finger off the trigger Rupert no one is getting dusted today."  
  
Willow could tell that Giles wanted to press the trigger; Xander's words had cut deeply into him. She begged him "please don't do this Giles, just let us go."  
  
Giles looked at her in horror. "You can't want this Willow, I know it's confusing but you need to come with me."  
  
"I can't" she said taking a step closer to Xander but at the moment Buffy and Oz came out from the dark and grabbing her arms and dragged her away. Screaming now for Xander she could see Giles had blocked his path. Vamped out now at the sight of the crucifix shoved in his face. Willow screamed and struggled against them but it was no use. "I'm sorry Will" was the last thing she heard before the world went dark. 


	3. 5:15 Angels Have Gone

Part III: 5:15 Angels Have Gone  
  
Willow's head ached, she tried to open her eyes but the sun was too bright and quickly she shut them again. She heard the voices of her so-called friends; lying quietly she listened hoping to hear what had happened to Xander.  
  
"You hit her too hard, honestly Buffy anyone would think you wanted to hurt her."  
  
"Come on Giles she was talking like a crazy person, I know she has feelings for Xander but I wasn't going to let her go with him. I've lost one friend I'm not going to lose another."  
  
"We all feel sad about Xander and we will morn his loss when this is over but right now we need to help Willow. You shouldn't have hit her so hard."  
  
"But what else was I suppose to do? One of my best friends is now a vampire and the other one is desperate to join him. If I hadn't she would have gotten lose, we couldn't have held her much longer. I'm sure she'll be fine just a little sore."  
  
"I wish I had your confidence. You ought to be more understand more than most. Xander is Willow's Angel. It's not going to easy for her to let go at least you knew Angel was a vampire but this is unexpected and most unfortunate."  
  
"What about me?" Willow heard Cordiella wine. "He was my boyfriend but nobody seems to think I'm in any danger it's all Willow this and Willow that. Doesn't anybody care about me?"  
  
"Evidently not" Giles' tone was enough to shut Cordiella up for now at least. "Xander was drawn straight to Willow indicating that he had stronger feelings for her than he realised. The heart wants what the heart wants."  
  
"Nice of him to share this life changing revelation" Oz sounded so wounded; Willow felt sharp stabs of conscience but Xander wanted her and she had spent years dreaming of that day. There was nothing that would keep them apart now.  
  
Willow found the strength to sit up and opened her eyes to find herself in the bookcage locked in.  
  
Buffy saw her first "Willow thank god you're awake. How do you feel?"  
  
"Like I've been hit over the head." She was far too angry to bother about the niceties in life. "Where's Xander? She stared at Buffy accusingly. "What have you done?"  
  
"Nothing he's fine. Giles put on his best soothing voice. "Can I get you anything, a glass of water perhaps?"  
  
"You could let me out"  
  
"We can't do that Will." Buffy was trying the same soft voice as Giles but obviously hadn't had as much practice.  
  
"Buffy you must know how I feel? I want to go to him he needs me. You can't keep me from him, you'll have to let me out eventually."  
  
"She's right, you know" Xander stepped out from behind one of the bookshelves. His hands in the air as the group all stood up. "Relax I'm not here for a fight, just for Willow.  
  
"I can't let that happen" Buffy moved towards Xander. "I don't want to fight you but will if I have too."  
  
"Oh Buffy you have no idea, it's not me you're going to fight. You didn't think I came alone did you?"  
  
Willow heard the sharp intake of breath from Buffy as Angel, Drusilla and an assortment of other vamps appeared.  
  
"Hello lover" Angel sneered. "How do you like the new recruit? One of Dru's better ideas, I was going to just straight-out kill him but Dru; now she's a girl with vision, always did have a soft spot for waifs and strays. Xand here always managed to piss me off, I thought it would be better if I killed me but this is good too. I've always been an easygoing kinda guy. You always wanted me to get on better with your friends and here we are wish granted. Xander and me the best of buds doesn't it warm your heart?" "Not really. If this is just another mind games it's not going to work."  
  
"You really don't have a clue, you keep slaying my gang and I need to find a way to replenish so to speak. The fact the it must burn your insides is just the cherry on top."  
  
Willow noticed that the other vamps had gathered round the group while Angel kept Buffy busy. Too late for Buffy to do anything about it now as they a grabbed them and a fight ensued. Xander was at the cage and broke down the door Oz spotted him too late but threw chair at his head. As Xander staggered, Willow released from the cage faced Oz and yelled at him. "What the hell do you think you're doing, leave him alone."  
  
The hurt at Willow's stinging words showed in his eyes and Willow felt the pangs of guilt again. "Sorry but I have to go." She told him and taking Xander's hand she ran out the library.  
  
Willow wanted to keep on running, away from Sunnydale and the accusing eyes. She wanted it to be just her and Xander.  
  
Finally though, she had to stop, out of breath she sat on the kerb. "We need to find a place to rest until tomorrow the sun will be up soon and then we can go get out of here."  
  
Xander nodded, led her to a small abandoned house and descended the stairs in the basement. Placing his coat on the floor for Willow to lie on, he said, "You need to get some rest, you look exhausted and you also need to eat. I won't be long." Kissing her lightly on the head he took off, leaving Willow alone.  
  
By the time Xander came back Willow was curled up asleep on his coat. He sat against the wall facing her; he'd always loved to watch her sleep. 


	4. The Prettiest Star

Part IV: The Prettiest Star  
  
Willow woke up with a start, she'd been dreaming that Buffy had come in during the day and slain Xander but there he was looking at her with those brown eyes full of concern. She smiled weakly, "bad dream."  
  
"Well you'd better eat something, it's not haute cuisine but it's the best I could manage."  
  
Willow started; she was hungrier than she thought. Half way through she stopped feeling self-conscious, "are you going to watch me? It's very off- putting."  
  
Xander grinned, "Sorry, I'll turn round." It wasn't must better but she appreciate the thought and he stayed like that until Willow had finished.  
  
"Ready?" He asked.  
  
Willow nodded. They made their way out of the house and onto the street.  
  
Xander paused, "Will, I need you to see something, before you make a final decision." Willow tried to interrupt she wanted to tell him she had made the decision and she would be with him always. Xander smiled placing a finger on her lips, "let me finish. You need to see the reality of your choice."  
  
Xander spotted a girl walking home alone, he grinned as his demon face replaced the one Willow knew so well. She knew what to expect but this shocked her more than she wanted to admit.  
  
Watching Xander as he stalked the girl, creeping up on her. Without hesitation he grabbed her by the hair pushed back her head and sunk his teeth straight into the vein. She only struggled for a moment before collapsing. Xander supported her while he drank but all the time staring at Willow who watched in half fascination and half horror.  
  
Right up to that point Willow hadn't dared to think about Xander as a vampire. She knew that she wanted to be with him but had refused to think about the demon that now inhabited Xander's body.  
  
Xander dropped the girl on the ground, "well that was it. I wanted you to know everything. If you say yes then I'll be yours forever. Willow I love you and I regret that it took this to bring me to my senses but I'm never going to leave you again I promise." His vampire face had gone and he was Xander again.  
  
Willow knew now that this is what she truly wanted, no doubts. "I understand. I want you to make me a vampire." Hearing the words aloud was strange but Willow meant them.  
  
"Okay, this will only hurt a little. I'll be as gentle as I can and when I tell you to drink, no hesitations I don't want to choke you."  
  
Xander moved up behind Willow sweeping her hair back to reveal her throat. He bent slightly and Willow held her breath waiting for the sharp pain of fangs in her neck.  
  
The pain never came; Willow instead, was thrown to the ground. Looking up she saw Buffy; she'd arrived at just the wrong moment. 


	5. As The World Falls Down

Part V: As The World Falls Down  
  
"Lucky punch Buff, it won't happen again though. Where's the groupies aren't they here to cheer you on?"  
  
"They're out looking for Willow too. Xander, I'll let you leave Sunnydale, just let Willow come with me."  
  
"Oh that's very big of you Buffy. We'll just ask Willow what she wants."  
  
"She's not thinking clearly right now it'll be better if you just go."  
  
"What a caring friend you are. Always thinking of others, that is of course when you're not getting down and dirty with your own little vamp toy. Buffy the world does not revolve around you; this is none of your business. Why can't you just leave us alone or are you that arrogant to believe that your opinion matters a damn? We were quite happy before you arrived and we'll be even better when you've gone. How long do you think you'll last as the slayer? How long until one vamp gets in a lucky shot or when Angel really turns up the heat and you go willingly to your death?"  
  
Willow couldn't watch this anymore, "STOP." Pushing them apart, "Buffy, Xander stop this now. It's not fair you can't talk about me like I'm not here. I am here and I can think clearly for myself."  
  
They were both looking at Willow now. "You can't make me go with you Buffy, I've made up my mind."  
  
"Then I'm sorry Willow but this is my job and what I have to do." Buffy said bringing a stake out from underneath her jacket. "I didn't want to do this Xander you were my friend."  
  
Willow stepped in between them, "You know what Buffy? I never noticed before just how hypocritical you are, making your high and mighty judgements on others but when Angel lost his soul and killed Miss Calendar. These things were your fault but its okay Buffy was in love and we all forgave you because you were our friend and we trusted you. How about a bit of that back Buffy? How can you be all moralistic now?"  
  
"Because my actions caused this and I'm dealing with that the best way I can."  
  
Xander was bored of the talking now and ensuring Willow was out of harms way, goaded Buffy. "You think you can take me? I'd like to see you try."  
  
With that he launched a series of blows at Buffy, catching her off guard. "What's the matter Buff? Tougher than you thought huh, you don't think I ever watched you?"  
  
Willow stared as Buffy and Xander traded blows, her heart wrenched at every punch and kick. She couldn't let this go on, it was too much for her it needed to stop now; she despaired but saw no alternative she knew what she had to do. Willow watched as Xander getting the upper hand knocked Buffy flying against a tree. "Come on Will, we got to go before the bat signal's sent up and the whole place is crawling with Scoobies."  
  
"Xander you're bleeding. Let me have a look." Willow reached up to kiss the spot on his lip.  
  
"It'll be fine quick healer you know, we got to go"  
  
Willow nodded " I know, I just wish things had worked out differently, just remember, I'll always love you." It was too late for Xander to back away; Willow raised the disregarded stake and drove it through his chest. She wept as he faded to dust in her hands but it was over and nothing could hurt him again.  
  
Buffy picked herself up and ran over to Willow. "Oh Willow I'm so sorry" Buffy tried to hug her friend, bring her some small comfort.  
  
"Don't touch me" violently shaking Buffy off. "This is your fault just because you couldn't keep your hormones in check. Xander would still be here and I wouldn't have just killed my best friend. You made me do this you should have just let me go, I didn't want to choose. But you couldn't just keep out of it, you had to come in and try to be the hero, you made me kill him. There was no way I was going to let you hurt him."  
  
She paused to take a breath and carried on, "Giles and Miss Calendar, me and Xander. How many other people Buffy? When are you going to stop ruining people's lives? You did this if it wasn't for you he'd still be here. We're done Buffy; I hate you and will never forgive you for this. Keep away from me."  
  
Leaving Buffy standing alone Willow ran off.  
  
Stumbling home Willow spotted a piece of jewellery. Picking it up she looked around for the owner but saw no one. She was alone; the thought brought fresh tears to her eyes and without thinking slipped the necklace over her head. "Oh god I miss him," She cried softly to herself. "This is all Buffy's fault I hate that bitch she never should have come here." The thought took root in her mind as she said it aloud, "I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale"  
  
An unknown voice from behind her whispered "Done". 


	6. Epilogue: Golden Years

Epilogue: Golden Years  
  
Stretching Willow awoke slowly. She remembered everything: Xander's death, Buffy's interference and the strange demon who had granted her wish. The demon had promised to make everything better but now she wasn't so sure. Sitting up she tried to adjust to her surroundings; the sparse room with a double bed against one wall. Best to explore she thought and find out more.  
  
There was another door opposite the one she'd just exited she cautiously peered round. Her life in Sunnydale had prepared her for many sights but this was not one of them. Wrapped around each other, sprawled on the only furniture: the bed was Xander and Spike. As shocked as she was, she had to admit that this was an amazing sight.  
  
She was unprepared for the arms that slid round her waist now and the lips that nuzzled her neck, but as new experiences go this was not one of the bad.  
  
"Beautiful aren't they? Do you think if we asked nicely they'd let us join in again? That last time was fun."  
  
It suddenly struck Willow who and what she was, although she remembered nothing of this life, it felt right somehow. Xander had been right; she felt more like herself than ever, no more hiding for her, she was free to be herself.  
  
"I hope so," she answered, turning round to kiss Cordelia. 


End file.
